My mom believes in sharing equal time with both my dad and me. NO. All time with me, please! They will never get a divorce. My mom is like some politico's wife, standing by her man through everything. Well, if Jeff and I were married I'd stand by him through everything. I just need my baby. I need SOMEBODY! Really, I really and truly do. God, WHY DO I HAVE TO BE ALONE AND LONELY ALL THE TIME? Jeff killed so he wouldn't be lonely. He wanted to keep his victims with him. I told him last night, now he's never lonely. He's in the spotlight always. That's NOT FAIR! I want the spotlight with lots of friends beside me. I want someone from here to fly to where I'm at and spend a couple days in my bed falling asleep facing me. No, for as long as I'm alive in my bed falling asleep facing me. I'll change the sheets. I've got some nice spring time sheets that I'm waiting for the weather to get warmer to put on the bed. Why is there so much pomp and circumstance with the Kentucky Derby? It only lasts two minutes. I'd never show up. God, I just need somebody. I'm tired of being ALONE, DAMN IT! I've had it up to JUPITER with being lonely. I feel like calling some dateline/hotline. A couple years back I used to sneak out at night and spend some time with this volunteer firefighter. I gave him blow jobs at the fire house. God, I'm so f***ING TIRED of this. I want my lonliness to end. Please take me. It's the only way. It's what I've always wanted. My prayers would've been answered, my problems would've been solved. I don't know what's taking you. Just let me land on a knife or something. You know I'm kinda good for that. Why can't I ever find a gun to kill myself?
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Sounds like you're having an anguishing day. You're justifying what Jeff did so you explain your feelings, but he killed innocent children before they could ever have a chance at anything of their own and he robbed their families of the kids they loved so much. You explain having sex because you don't want to be alone, but many of the closest people in this world don't even have sex...even couples who love each other don't all have sex because love and sex are not the same. But, hey, those new sheets you have sound nice. It finally started getting warm enough around here for me to change the sheets and cover on my bed to something more light and springlike.