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I'M HURTING! GOD ALMIGHTY! DOES IT HAVE TO BE THIS BAD???!!! I'm so sick of my life, where I live, every unfortunate situation I'm in, and none of it's my fault. If I had friends I could've went to their house instead of going to two and three shelters. I  wish I was dying. I wish I had cancer. I remember when I wrote on the cover of my writing pad, GIVE ME AIDS AND LET ME DIE. I still wish it, although that kind of suffering can be so utterly painful. When I wrote that I was around 19? Look, I'm 32 and still wishing for death. Nothing is GOING TO IMPROVE. I'M NEVER GOING TO MEET MY GUY. I might as well kill myself. Even if I ended up with Mr. Guy, he couldn't save me from my own illness. I'd have to... QUICK! PUT AN END TO IT! I've spent so many years alive in pain, who's going to save this practically lifeless bird now? I'm shaking uncontrollably, I'm quivering in pain alone and lonely. God, I can't take it. God, I can't! I'M HURTING!!! This is more pain than nails driven into your hands, DAMN YOU! How can you do this to me? I didn't ask for this! I wanted to be saved but you're going to do all this madness to me in return? This sucks! This BITES. God, I can't take this. Why am I suffering so much? This doesn't make any sense! God, can you just end it for me, please? I've been asking for help, pleading for death, I get nothing. What is with you? Are you DENSE? Do you not UNDERSTAND? Can't I yell, explain and complain some SENSE into you? Now you know what? I'm not complaining. My complaining is justified. You treat me so bad, like the dog crap that's stepped in on the street every day. God, I can't go on like this! Please help a needy girl! It might be too late for me when you come through! I hope it is. I pray to satan it is.