I am feeling the pain yet again. It's Sunday. Can't the Lord have any mercy upon me this day? I'm hurting, seething hurt. I didn't wake up this way. Last night I put Jeff back in bed with me and we slept until 3a.m. Then I got up, made a cup of chai tea and read a little of New York. After I was finished with the tea I went back to bed. Unable to sleep, I just cooed at Jeff, sometimes making myself quite audible. I know Anthony next door hears me sometimes and is like, "what the hell?" It started out sunny today but then the clouds hid it. FUCCCKKKKAAAYYY! Another dreary day. I want to be somewhere where it never gets cloudy. God I hate this earth. I started thinking about Jeff yesterday after two months of not and I just cried 'cause I loved him and nobody else was able to see it. They just think I'm f***ed up and need help. I need someone who just totally understands and would befriend me in an instant. That won't be happening. I'll be the odd girl for the rest of my life. I hurt. I pain. I need a way out from this PERMANENTLY, FOREVER. Jeff me=perfect bliss.
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