On the Edge

April 23, 2006 / by lilscrappy

Jeff,I hate what happened to you after you died. God, I'm in love with him! Fuck man, you're not good for anything! I know if I were prettier I'd have lots of friends. I deserve death. My whole life has been negative. There are people that have died that had their whole lives ahead of them. I have nothing. I'm dead poor. I have nobody for me. Yet I'm still alive. From a young age I wanted love. I looked at what my parents had and wanted it, too. I hated them 'cause they were together and I was without any friends whatsoever, without somebody for me. Look, I'm still alone. I just want to die. There's nobody for me. Sometimes it's not even about Jeff. I just want out. I don't care. I don't care what God has for me in the future, I don't care how good it's going to get, I don't want it. I don't care if it's a man. Too late, it's just too late. I don't care, I don't give a fuck. I'm hurt. I'm beyond repair. God, I'm sick of waking up. Don't you understand? Fuck it, I hate you! If I killed myself I'd say to God, "Don't tell me what was going to become of my life, I know I did the right thing." I told God I don't give a fuck what reason he has me here for and I'm still alive? I hate him! I just don't want to live anymore!

3 comments on On the Edge

  • handsoftissue said 2 years ago
    I know how you feel.You're not the only one who feels alone and wants to die. But you have to trust me when I say it will get better. I mean if you really didn't care, wouldn't you have been gone by now? If there wasn't anything worth living for wouldn't God have already killed you by now? Perhaps you are weak and may feel dead inside but as you said, you're alive. And I know that anybody around you want you to keep it that way. One of my friends once said "Suicide is a permenant solution to a temporary problem"
    Think about it, And take care[HEART]
  • lilscrappy said 2 years ago
    It's hard to believe things will get any better. I've been struggling ever since I dropped out of college in'95, but things have been really bad since '02. Oh well, we'll see.[SAD]
  • lilscrappy said 2 years ago
    It's hard to believe there are other people like me who feel the same way. I can't think that way. I only see I'm the only one.

Add a comment

To add comments without entering your email and image verification, you must be logged in. Login or Join Blogster

  • Type the words in the box below the image.

Email this blog post to a friend

To email posts to friends, you must be logged in. Login or Join Blogster

Friends

View All