All My Fault

I really thought I was going to really get my rabbit. On Friday before I left, I swept and mopped the floors clean of debris and I cleared a spot on my dresser for her cage. I had also bought a book, Rabbits for Dummies, which I was reading furiously to find out all I could about my new baby girl. I was sitting at the dinner table when my brother came in with her in her cage, and I got up to look at her. She was light brown with two light gray markings, one on her body and one under her left eye. One ear was standing up and the other was hanging limp; it was broken, but my brother said it wasn't affecting her health. Everytime the door to her cage was opened, she would stick her head out. I knew very quickly when she wanted to come out and play. For two days I didn't take her out of her cage saying to her that when we got back home I'd take her for a walk. On Sunday I was staring at her when my brother said "Why are you just staring at her? You can take her out, you know." I opened the door and reached for her. I thought it was going to be easy. But as soon as I got a hold of her she started to kick furiously. My brother firmly told me how to hold her. I tried to do it several times, but I couldn't get all four of her legs in the palm of my hand fast enough. Sadly, after that occurrence I started to think twice about taking her to my apartment. If she was going to kick like this everyday when I took her out for exercise because I wasn't holding her properly, it was going to be a problem. I didn't understand. She was curious about going outside her cage, but when the time came she would squirm. I ended up changing my mind about whether to keep her twice until I finally said I couldn't. My dad didn't want me to take her either. My mom said she'd keep her, but my dad was against it, so I guess sweetie is going to go back to my brother's friend's house. Everytime I think about that, I get a heartache and I feel it's all my fault, and it is. My brother asked me if I wanted a rabbit and I said yes, and then I decided no and I'm here without her. When I petted her, she was downy soft. That thing with her ears was so cute, I thought. When I go back to the house in two weeks and don't see her cage on top of the table, I'm going to totally get depressed and blame myself over and over until I leave about what happened. I think the best thing would be not to go to the house anymore, but I have to 'cause I forgot some stuff when I left today. There's always my brother's guinea pig to stare at and feed treats to, but I think whenever I'm in that house from now on I'm going to be thinking of Buttercup, my forever baby girl.