Hurting on the Inside

I just wish had somebody. Jeff was handsome. When he went out to a club, he didn't have to worry about anybody not liking him; he was certain he'd get a guy. I, on the other hand, know I'm not that attractive and know the chances of me ending up with a guy are slim. I went through all that trouble of going to the Bronx to take the city exam and didn't get called for a job? Oh man, that sucks. Jeff, you had Tender Vittles lips. Lips so tender and sweet, begging to be kissed. God, I've been asking you for death for the longest time. What's up with you? God, I wish you would talk to me again! Now! I need you! Come on, this is so painful. God, I'm hurting! Why won't you help me? All you do is wake me up everyday. If I were to kill myself my parents would be like, "How come she never told us how she was feeling." First, my mom is too christian. She wouldn't understand the things I'm going through. Both of them have never been homeless. When they were single, they weren't so poor they had to ask their parents for money. They didn't have to struggle with a mental illness. They never felt so lonely and alone they wanted to kill themselves. They never had to struggle with being in love with someone they couldn't have. God doesn't even understand what I'm going through. He doesn't care. He doesn't say to me, "Sam, it's going to be okay," or any other words of comfort. I am so alone. God, I love him! God, I'm HURTING SO MUCH. I need him! I'm in love with him. God, please, can you help me? After this life I've been through, I wouldn't feel like working for God in the next life. I'd just want to take it easy,REALLY. God, you know what I'm going through? Then why are you sitting back taking a vacation? HELP MY BROKEN SOUL. God, I'm in love with Jeff and it hurts. Can't you do anything? God, I'm in love with him so much!