I feel like a stomped in mud puddle

I loved Tim Russert, and am sad that he's gone, but NBC has to realize that not everybody in this world is CATHOLIC. So what if most of your viewing audience is CATHOLIC and you think that's the dominant religion. Can we ease up on how proud we are of an empty, meaningless RELIGION and shed some light on a more fruitful faith? Everything you guys cover is, the priest, the cardinal, the pope. Especially the pope. Like I said, you people should be worshipping Jesus and not that old fart. Who is he? Just an old man to me.

I wrote this this morning around 12 when I got up, and I really didn't want to wait 'till tomorrow morning to type it 'cause I might be feeling different when I wake up. Well, I highly doubt that.

Jeff, I want my love for you to be pure and fresh everytime. I don't ever want it to hurt, like right now. Jeff, let's be Discovery Pals together! We could go this way and that way, marveling at things that take our breath away. Until then I mourn, like right now. I didn't take a shower this morning. Don't feel well. Think I'll just take on liquids all day, chewing is to much work, especially when FiberOne is the first meal of the day. No matter how much I cry out to God for my baby, no matter how many times I cry in front of them both, just everyday is the same. It yields no Jeff, no beginning to happiness. Just the same old same old. I want a change, but I don't want it to start with Barack Obama. God, save me from my own tortured, exhausted soul. I guess we have an eternal agreement that I won't do anything, even though you don't care if I do, but-what kind of God are you if you don't care about my eternal future? God, I have a grudge 'cause I feel you don't really love me or care about me. You just want to see me continue to SUFFER. You'll never acknowledge how long and hard I struggled, and take me. When it's all over I need to know why you prolonged my life as long as you did. Was it because you wanted my love to see my struggles well in advance so he could love and appreciate me more when I finally saw him as opposed to taking me soon after he left when he really wouldn't know a thing about me? God, this is not fun. Okay, have your fun. You think PAIN is FUN? Let me suffer. You know I'm trying very hard not to do it again. I don't know what pushing me close to the edge is supposed to prove. What, so Jeff can marvel at my strength under my current circumstances? God, I'm weak. I'm a WEAKLING! I don't know where the strength to survive is coming from! It's not coming from you that's for sure, otherwise I wouldn't have tried two years ago to wipe myself out. I'm barely getting by, by the skin of my teeth. Is that good enough for you? I guess as long as I've made it, right? We'll see who makes it.