Ooh! I'm so sick of being lonely! I'm doing everything I shouldn't do in expectation of him. Someone told me don't go out looking for him every time or I won't find him. I'm trying not to do that. But I'm so lonely! I'm sleeping alone every night. I have whalie, but of course he doesn't talk to me! I'm saving the six dollars that I have for Sunday evening when I go to church. Hopefully my guy will be there. I just have to know, who was he staring at? I almost said I love him and I haven't met him yet. Okay, God, I'm not out looking for him. I forgot what he looked like. All I know was that he was Caucasian and had on a denim jacket. I'm going to wear the same vest I wore last Sunday, or maybe I shouldn't. It really depends on the weather. I wish Sunday would be my lucky day. Oh, I don't know! Like I said, I can't be out looking for him if I don't know what he looks like! But I'll be in church looking for someone. I mean, hoping someone notices me. I just wish I knew what God was up to. I wish I had a friend already. I wish I knew why I became a member of my church. I'm being as patient as I can. I just want my man. The nigga that occasionally comes over says maybe we were meant to be together because we always bump into one onother on the street. He's cute, but I think NOT. He wants me to have sex with him everytime he comes over when I just want to hang out. I'm not getting Jeff, I'm not getting Mr. Guy, but I feel like I should be semi-pure for whoever I'm going to get. I haven't had sex since the 30th. I wish my nigga and I could just have fun together. Why does he want sex all the time? Duh, 'cause he's a guy. Why can't we just chill? I remember when I was living on Lexington there was this guy that called my number asking for me, but it was another Samantha he wanted. I forgot how we ended up meeting each other, but he broke it up real fast after a few flings, I wish I could remember why. What was his name, Naim? Something like that. I think he just said he couldn't handle a relationship right then. Oh God, where is my baby? I can't loose anymore weight; he's going to have to accept me fat. But I am trying my best to lose some, really I am.
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I wish you luck in finding that guy again at church, which is a great place to meet people. Maybe you'll meet him or some other worthy guy there, but you will probably have to build a lot of the acquainting, friendship, and relationship. God works in mysterious ways and He may bring you together with someone there, you never know. But, He may leave it up to you, too, because He may feel that your presence at church is not purely for worshiping/praying. Maybe if you are there for Him and for others, you'll find that He and others will be there for you.