When I woke up this morning I thought it was all a dream. But then I realized it was real and I shuddered. Last night I became a member of the 1 pint club, eating a whole pint of ice cream in one sitting. I don't know what posessed me to do it or how I did it, I just did. I don't know if I was attracted by the taste or I was just sorely pissed my weight loss attepts were headed nowhere. Damn! A whole pint of Ben and Jerry's? How'd I do it? I remember I was typing at the time and I spent more time eating than typing. I just thought, "oh, this is so good." But I didn't mean to eat it all. In the past I've come pretty close to eating all, but I never actually polished off the whole thing, even lapping up the liquid that remained in the container. Eww! I am so disgusting. I had plans to go to the doctor's this week but now I don't want to because in the past my weight has been so stable, lingering at 199, but now because of what I did the girl is going to move the block to 200 and weigh me from there. She won't assume I've lost weight and start it at 150. I hate those type of scales. Even if I keep my clothes and sneakers on, the girl calculates my total weight as my actual weight. Doesn't she know she has to take off for all the weight my shoes and clothes add? But she doesn't. Most medical assistants don't. Only my nutritionist asks that I take my shoes off before I step on the scale. Smart. Anyway, so from no on I'm going to ask that they not weigh me. If the doctor prods me to do so, then I will, reluctantly. Maybe I shouldn't go at all. She doesn't need to know that I got sick this week. She's too busy dealing with cancer and other life threatening issues. Is diabetes considered life threatening? I don't think so. Yikes! With my condition I wasn't supposed to eat what I ate last night! I just realized that. Before that ice cream I had devoured a cheeseburger and french fries. I did that because I was like, what the flying fuck, I'll never be as skinny as some of the girls I see at the center. I'll always be the typical big, black girl, which I hate so much. I mean, I loathe me so much I want to kill myself. I want to be skinny and frail like I used to be in the beginning. You know what, I'm going to go to the clinic and get weighed and then tell the doctor I want bariatric surgery because I am obese and have health risks. My insurance will pay for it, won't it? I mean, I'm diabetic and my BMI is over thirty. But wait, didn't somebody famous have the surgery and she gained back all the weight? I forgot her name. China Phillips? Yeah, I think I wrote about her before. I saw it in Star, but you know, who believes them? Fuck, what am I going to do with my life? Fuck it. I'm just a fly buzzing around with no purpose. Squash me already.
1 comment on just a disease-ridden beefy bitch
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Hey, I weigh more than you do! So, you can imagine how I feel! And, I'm only a shorty, so I might almost be as big around as I am tall! And, I have eaten plenty of Ben & Jerry Ice Cream pints in one sitting, way too many to count! (It just tastes too good to stop! That's why I only buy it a couple of times a year now...because I know I'll eat the whole darn thing!)
Yes, diabetes can be deadly. It can cause a whole lot of other kind of suffering, too, so you should be careful. Things with sugar in it, of course, should be avoided (at least very limited), but things that are naturally sweet (fruit, juices, honey, etc.) have to be watched, too. And, remember that starch turns into sugar, so breads (including muffins, doughnuts, rolls) can be a double-whammy because of the sugar that's added plus the starch turns into sugar. So, you really should be careful.
I am not a diabetic, though I am a borderline one, so I'm supposed to be careful, too, and losing weight is just as much for medical reasons as for appearance sake. But, I'm still struggling with the darn weight and I do eat a lot of the wrong things....but, I do try to do the right things at the same time. It isn't easy.
I just want to let you know something. Do you remember when I said I was having a problem answering your replies? I told you that it was because I didn't know you had left any....because I wasn't getting any notifications. I did go back and I found replies, so I did answer them, but I still never got notifications of any new replies.
Well, that's been fixed! Hooray! The team here fixed the problem and I do get notifications now! So, from now on I will know when you reply and I will know to go read them.
But, here's the bad news. I have another problem. I can not reply back. Don't ask me why because I don't know why, and the team doesn't know why yet, either. So, one thing got fixed, but another thing got screwed up!
So, I will know about and see your replies without a problem, but I will not be able to reply back. Doesn't that stink? But, I can reply by leaving another comment. You should get notification of that, so you should still be able to see my responses. But, if you leave a comment on my blogs, I won't be able to reply back. (Maybe, hopefully, it will all get fixed soon.)