Oh God, I love him so much. Right now I have so much absolute love for him; I have tender love for him. God, I really don’t believe in heaven. I just think its fantasy; I mean I haven’t been chosen to live there yet. Throughout all the years of me saying to you I didn’t want to live, you kept breath in me anyway. I have nothing to look forward to. I have no husband, no friends. I’ll never have a husband. I just need death. You don’t want me up there with you but you wanted Jeff? You loved him more than me! I hate you! Oh, it’s all so sad. When I die you better apologize…or I’ll kick you. I wish my bunny could go to heaven. I’ll be so upset when she dies. I’ll be upset when John’s guinea pig dies, real sad for both, like I won’t be able to go on anymore. Like, both of them are so sweet. John’s guinea pig is a pain in the rear for him sometimes because he makes noise whenever he wants a piece of something from the crisper. I offer to give him something to calm him down, but John says he’s too spoiled so let him cry. I would rather have a spoiled pet rather than an unhappy one, a pet that feels nobody loves him.
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