I just want my baby Jeff. Jeff, give me a kid. Let's be parents. Let's have a love child. I love you. I can't get enough of you. Baby, I just love you SO much. Awww...today my mom has off and she and hubby are spending time together downstairs. Isn't that nice. Meanwhile, I'm upstairs by myself reading the paper and doing this. Jeff! I need you, baby! I just have strong feelings for you! Oh my God, if I ever get a car there will be days like this where I don't feel like driving 'cause I'm so depressed. God, WHY AM I THIS WAY? Why am I STRANGE, ABNORMAL? Look, I can't get a job 'cause I'm messed up. God, I want to be normal! I want to be happy and free! God, I want to be with my baby! I just love him is all, God really! God, I LOVE JEFF. Get it through you. I JUST heavily love him. God, I just need to be with him! God, can I get some help? I am so mentally disabled, so mentally handicapped. But this kind of handicap won't get me a special license plate. That's only for physically handicapped people. No one wants to give special preference to a mentally disabled person, 'cause if you're mentally impaired, you're a LOSER. Nobody wants to be your friend. God, can I have my baby? I LOVE HIM, DAMN IT! DAMN IT! I LOVE HIM! God, I love my Jeffy! God, I just do. Oh, no one knows how f***ed up I am, with Jeff, with wanting to die, with life. It would be cool if I was next on God's list to be crossed out. ARE YOU KIDDING? THAT WOULD BE AWESOME. God, why am I so sick? Why? Why can't I be like my brother? Light-skinned, intelligent and beautiful? Can't you answer me and tell me why I'm like this way? I want to be NORMAL! I don't want to be sick anymore! I don't want to suffer from a LIFELONG illness! Nobody knows I'm like this! If they knew they'd freak out, get the hell away from me! God, I have something within me that will last my ENTIRE LIFE! I don't want that! I want out! God look, I'm tired. I want to be like a normal girl. At peace, at rest, at last. Love me! Love me so much God, despite how messed up I am. Will you hold me in your arms and tell me it's all over? NEVER, right? This hell I'm in will continue, yes? WHY? I'm trying to be a good girl for you so you can take me! God! HELP AN INTERNALLY WOUNDED GIRL. That's it. I'm having a cup of tea. Maybe I'll feel better.
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A cup of tea can be soothing. I often enjoy one after I've had a bout with my emotions. I hope you feel better.