End the Madness

God, why can’t I have somebody for me, somebody that would be so loyal, somebody that would try to end it if I died the way I tried to end it last year to be with Jeff? I’m reading this article in New York about these two artists that killed themselves, one after the other. When the woman did it, the guy found her body then a week later he ended it too. I need somebody like that. I love Jeff madly, but I feel I’m missing out. I don’t want to part with Jeff, but I feel I’m missing out! I need closeness and love, but if I have to give up Jeff I’ll feel like I’ve wasted sixteen years of my life, like I just could’ve been in a coma for that long. God, I love Jeff but it hurts sometimes ‘cause he’s not here to be with me. These people had each other, but the threads and fibers of mental illness tore them apart in the end, that’s what I think anyway, and I haven’t even finished the article. The lady below me is a Christian, so I’m not going to call her any names, but she’s got the balls to complain about my music being loud at night when during the day she and her son play it just as loud, and she, she’s got a big mouth. She has a cat, and she calls it like it’s a dog that’s going to come right up to her window. The time the cat does come up to the window, nobody’s home or somebody’s sleeping. And when nobody’s home, another lady from the building leaves the door open so the cat can walk right in and meow up a storm, walking up and down the hallways. Right now, I’m hearing the same raggaeton song over and over. I’ve heard the same Pussy Cat Dolls song being played over and over. They complained about me and it ceased. But I haven’t complained about them; I’m just going to endure until it’s my time to say goodbye to this horridness.