I'm So Nauseous

Oh, God, could you hurry up already? I've been waiting THIRTY YEARS for this. Today my mom and I saw In Pursuit of Happyness. I thought it was okay; my mom thought I was crying, but I wasn't. It just reminded me so much of when I was homeless. Will's character and his son had it much worse, I could say. First, he had a kid with him, so that made things a whole lot more difficult. I didn't have any kids when I left my parent's house. When I left, I was on the streets of NY&NJ and the PATH trains for 24 hours. After that I called the nineline from the phones inside the WTC. I was spending way too much on food, and I was getting sick of just walking around in circles and carrying bags all over the place. I wonder how much time that guy who plays Will actually spent on the street. I couldn't get myself together after one stint in the shelter system, so I was homeless for a second time. But Will's character had a kid and was determined to make it for the both of them, and he did. I could care less, and it shows in where I live and how much money I make and what I rely on to get by. So Will's character is at the top now, and I'm still at the bottom. I know it really sucks, but I failed at school and I'm not going in for any training, so I'm stuck with what I have, and that's not a lot. When Will's character was struggling to pay the rent, I was like, "man, thank God that never happened to me." And I felt bad because there are so many people that have it bad just like he did. I'm always left with empty pockets after I pay bills, buy food and miscellaneous stuff, but thank goodness I start out with enough to pay the rent every month. There are months when my parents have to come through for me on a bill or two, and they give me money when I run out, so I don't know if you can call that totally independent, but I do manage to save myself every month from being near to eviction. Man, I was feeling suicidal when I got real sick two days ago. I was really thinking about doing it again. I wanted to be with that kid that got shot four times by police, even after he told them he was armed. That was totally unnecessary. I was like, "I really don't care about the guy I'm going to get. That's going to take too long. I could be dead by tomorrow. Death means more to me than the guy. You know how long I'm going to be waiting for him? What if he's not going to be at the NYE party at the church? I would've gone there for nothing and would've had nobody to kiss when the ball dropped. I could've stayed at home and watched those crazy people standing in Times Square with my family! I'm looking at these older young people at the Shoprite today to get an idea of how grown up he's going to look from the last time I saw him. I really forgot what he looks like, and I don't remember his name, so I don't think I'd recognize him if he walked up to me. But then again if he did walk up to me, I'd be like, BINGO. It's him! The guy I've been waiting for my whole life! About eight minutes ago, I threw up in the bathroom. All the popcorn kernels I had came up in my teeth. Man, I'm making myself sick again! I'll probably pass out when I see him and would have to be taken to the hospital. My brother is watching that Talladega Nights movie or whatever you call it on his computer. So BORING. I hope this guy comes soon, and by the end of the year. After that, I don't know what I'll do.