precious, silky Sonic

I was so obsessed about Mr. Guy that I forgot to talk about other things. Last week when I was at my parent's house I was cleaning Sonic's cage and had him on my brother's bed with a carrot. When the cage was finished I decided to sit with him for a minute. That's when the horror happened. There were some objects piled up in the corner of the bed and somehow he scampered up all of that and fell to the hard floor below. I thought he was fine, he just refused to come out from under the bed so I had to go fish him out. I held him firmly but gently and deposited him back in the cage. The next day I noticed the carrot was still in his cage. I held it up for him to grab but he just barely scratched it with his teeth. I just thought he had had enough of carrots. (It was a big piece) I left that day and called the next night to speak to mum. She asked me what I had done to Sonic because she had given him a piece of lettuce and he hadn't touched it. I said oh no and told her what happened. I persuaded her to call the vet, but it seemed like she didn't want to, like she just wanted to leave him there to suffer. Yesterday I called vets in Monmouth County to see where Sonic could be taken. I called my mom back with a vet that would see him, but she had already made the appointment. I thought she didn't care! But this was my fault. Why did I have to sit with him? Why couldn't I have just immediately put him in the cage when I was done? Stupid me. I told John through e-mails ( he's in Germany) that Sonic had fallen but I didn't tell him that he wasn't eating or the vet visit today @ 4p.m. I'm so sad. What if the vet has to put him down because he can no longer chew his food? He is such a good pet! A little noisy, but that gives me such joy to know that he's healthy. I don't want to see him dead! I want him to die of old age, not because of an accident I helped happen! Oh stupid me! Fuck! If God had a heart he'd save Sonic's life. My brother will hold a grudge against me. I don't want him angry at me for life.