A Relationship That Never Got to Happen

I just wish Jeff was still alive. I just looked at his picture on my blog and thought, we should’ve been together. I hate this. I HATE TREMENDOUSLY the situation I’m in. My heart cries out for companionship with a guy that’s right for me. I can’t tell my therapist what’s been going on between Jeff and I because it’s not the right time. If what I’m going through right now leads to a relationship with a man, then I’ll tell her the whole story later. Otherwise, I’m just letting this fester inside of me. A guy I’m in a relationship with has to know the whole me, that means my relationship with Jeff for the past 16 years. My heart aches. My soul aches. This morning I was a little happy; I thought of unexpected things that might happen to me. But no, it was just another uneventful day. Jeffy, I loved you. God, why is my old Jeffy gone? With it, I was hurting. Without it, I’m aching even more. I could feel my soul turning with pain over and over. It’s screaming, “why, why!” God doesn’t know what’s going on with me right now. Well, at least I don’t spend half of my time in bed anymore because the old Jeff isn’t there. I either read or watch TV. I have something from PCH I have to put in the mail. I’m taking off my shirt. This is not the type of neighborhood I want attention in. It didn’t work for me anyway. I wish this was a lucky shirt. I feel like burning it.