R.i.p Ryan, Even Though You Were Married

I'm so sad. This kid named Ryan Shay who was trying out for the 2008 Olympic marathon collapsed in Central Park yesterday. He was unconscious on the ground and was declared dead at Lenox Hill Hospital. They said it was probably a heart attack, but I'm probably sure that the autopsy has been done and they have a more definitive cause for his death. It probably was a heart attack because I was reading in the Daily News that he was diagnosed with a larger than normal heart when he was fourteen years old, and each year it just got bigger. They speculated it got bigger because he was a runner. I like short distance running, but any runner's death is sad to me. Any death, period, especially if the person was young. I just wish so much I could take the place of anybody under thirty ever having to die again. Lance Armstrong was running in the NYC Marathon today and he had a black ribbon pinned to his shirt in memory of Ryan. That's true team spirit, even though Lance was running in another marathon totally separated from the Olympics. Ryan was fallen but not forgotten. I really wish I could run again, but my body is really fucked up. Mentally and physically, I'm just not doing good. I wish I could go back to high school and do it all over again, the extracurricular part. I gained special recognition for my achievements at the special high school I went to, but it's not what I wanted. Yeah, I felt real pumped up with pride and special every time I went up to get a certificate from the principal, but I wanted to run track and win awards on the athletic spectrum. If you were in that school, you had to be classified as emotionally disturbed-something that didn't sit right with some of the students. I guess they wanted no classification, they wanted to be normal just like any other high school kid. The only thing I took away from that high school was not my achievements, not being on the honor roll every semester, but the amount of students that died and how I wish I could've died with them too, or known more about them, more about how they lived their last moments on earth. I wish Jeff were alive, I wish Steve were alive, I wish more of the students that went to high school when I was there were still alive. Teenagers should still be considered innocent by God. I love them, especially the troubled ones. If they die prematurely, suicide or not, they should not be held in eternal contempt for their actions while they were alive on this earth.