A Wasted Life

God, why did you do this to me? I used to be a very good writer. Couldn’t you have told me or warned me what would happen if I stopped using my gift? I mean, I was so young and I was getting my little comments published in newspapers. My earliest time getting something published was in elementary school. We had to write about our neighborhoods. I of course had to write about how bad mine was. I got it published in The S.I. Advance. I really forgot how old I was, or who was my teacher. Whoever that teacher was, she was great to have me exposed to getting stuff printed in newspapers. However, I wish she could’ve really instilled in us the power of the pen and to never stop writing, I mean to the small amount of us that were really talented. Then I think I would’ve taken that and held it close to me. As an adult, when I was writing something for the newspapers, I would read the article, finish with an opinion, and it would just flow from me. I remember I got something published in Spin, the magazine I was reading at the time. I wrote something about cutting a guy’s balls off and throwing them in some sort of machine. Now, if I wanted to write a comment I’d have to think really hard about how I could make it stand out from the others so I could get it in the papers. Before, stuff just used to come to me and I knew before I sent it in that it was a winner. I thought I was really good. All I needed was an education, but I forgot at that time if I really wanted to go to school. I did for a semester in Long Island City, NY, and I got credit for one class, but I forgot what it was. I might as well leave it that way ‘cause if I ever decided to go back to school the ten year limit I had to get classes transferred over would have run out. I know it was ten years ago that I took that class, whatever class it was. No, I don’t know if it was ten years ago. Is admissions open today? Maybe I should call them. I dropped out mid semester and the teacher decided to give me credit for it anyway. Maybe it should behoove me to get in contact with that school to see if I can still have it transferred over. I’m acting like I’m planning to go back to school. I can’t. I’m too dumb. I’m really dumb. I even have problems balancing a checkbook. That’s math, and I fuck up even though I’m using a calculator! Real dumb.