Moving to Carriacou would not be such a good idea after all. This morning Red called me to say that my grandpa wouldn't give him the time of day. He said grandpa thinks there's something going on between me and him. So he said for me to call him and explain that me and him are just friends and there's nothing going on between us. If I move to Carriacou my grandpa's going to know something's up, 'cause that's why I'm moving there, to be closer to Red. No disrespect to my mom, 'cause I know that's her dad, but I can't wait 'till the old fart dies. I still won't be able to get Red full time, but at least there won't be anybody blowing up to me and Red's face everytime we're seen together. I'm nervous about calling my grandpa. Even though I tell him that me and Red are just friends, what will he say? No? I don't believe you? I just called, he said he never wanted to hear anything about me and Red again and hung up the phone. I have no respect for that jackass. See, if Red wasn't involved with anybody now, everything would be fine between grandpa and me. But because he's engaged, grandpa sees just the both of us chatting wrong. Damn caustic, cantankerous jackass. I wonder if he believes that me and Red are having sex everytime I come down. Maybe we should put an end to that. Or maybe, if I continue to lose weight, Red won't have any reason to keep his hands off me. Ha. I should've said more than just saying Mos Def is one hot nigga. I think his time to earn a real award for his acting is way overdue and I hope he gets it. I mean, not even a single Grammy award? He's not considered underground anymore, is he? I have to call Other Music and find out. Damn! With Comcast, it costs 99 cents to make a call to 411. With ACN it didn't cost me a thing. I checked out Wikipedia, even though they said on the news you shouldn't trust them for their information, I do. Mos Def has a long acting and music career and he only has what, two awards or something to show for it? I think he should be as popular as Jay-Z. Is it because he speaks the truth? Is it because he's not really mainstream? Or is it because he speaks the truth and he's black? White America is afraid of a cat like that. One of Mos Def's song's was vulgar against some high power companies, and they held it back from being released. I thought this was a free country. I had this dream that I had a seizure and was unable to talk or move. Doesn't that happen when you have a stroke? I think I will have whatever soon. I think I'll have something big and the Samantha that everybody knows will be history. Oh well, my work is done. What, I have like, over 300 articles, plus a book(lousy), plus journals, plus short stories? When is God going to snap my eyes shut and tell me to come home? (Never) I had a dream I was telling someone that to get to heaven you had to go all the way to the horizon where the two hills are(this was in the caribbean), then take stairs leading upwards, but it was like an escalator going down and I was walking up. The steps just started becoming more and more and I tried to stay on but it was no use. In reality, I'll never get heaven. I'll keep on going up the down escalator, and I'll get tired, see I'm getting nowhere and give up. There's no hope for me and Red, there's no hope for me and Jeff. My pussy'll shrivel up. My breasts will hang to the ground. And then I'll die. Old age is a killer. Hope I'll never make it to that point.
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