Like I said yesterday, I had an interview for a position with Meridian Health and...I hope I don't get the position. It's just that although I'll be living at my family's house when I'll be working, my dad, who doesn't have a job, is always going to be having an attitude of always driving me to work. There are buses that will take me to Shrewsbury, but the distance is so far and I have to walk like, a mile in all. I have to take three buses to get to my job. Public transportation is out. If my dad doesn't want to drive me every time I have to go to work, then I might as well not get the job. I wish he was a cool dad to get along with, but sometimes he can be a real hard ass. There are people that just hop in their cars and go to work. My job will be the commute PLUS work. So I hope I don't get the position. But if I do, I'll feel kind of special, like wow, out of everybody he interviewed, I was chosen.
I wish Jeff could say to me, "oh chocolate cake, so sweet and saucy all over. I love you with every bite I take." I love this guy. If I were the man and he was the girl my dick would be so sore and about ready to fall off from the amount of masturbating I'd be doing. God, I love him. I just want to get it through his skull that I'm in love with him. I want him to understand. I want him to know about this love I have for him. I heard white chocolate is nothing but fat, so although he's white I'd pretend he tasted like the richest and most decadent milk chocolate, like me! Although I'd be the dark chocolate. Dark chocolate is bitter, LIKE ME. No, I taste sour, like spoiled chocolate milk. People pull me out of the fridge and just sniff me and sniff me; I'm feeling used, and then I just get thrown down the drain. That's how valuable I am to society. Oh man do I love him. Right on Mr. Mac, my love. With every bite you take, I hope I get closer to you. I hope you ARE taking bites of me, friendly, oh I need her so bad bites. I just want to be so close to getting you. Jeff, I just love you. I just LOVE you, sweetums.
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Did anyone say how long it would be before you would hear about getting hired or not?
tuesday may 13th. but I hope I don't get the job! I've already apologized to God for trying too hard to act normal, to be someone I'm not. When I get around with myself I see I'm not ready for a job, that writing is all I can handle. But my parents can't see that. They want me to do more, so I act normal to please them. But I'm only hurting myself. I crumbled last night. And on top of that, if I get the job I've got to live with my parents and constantly listen to their lectures on who I should be when I'm trying my best to be the right person for myself? It's like with them, they won't accept an "ordinary" Samantha. They want me to be EXTRAordinary! I can't win. I should've been adopted by parents who wouldn't force me or push me to be someone I wasn't, that would've been just content with the kind of girl I was.