New York Against Insane Cops

Now, ever since the Sean Bell incident, when there's a shoot out involving the NYPD it makes the news. This recent one involved a nineteen-year-old. He was shot and killed by police. They don't care. They're going to kill a kid? Why do they have to be trained to shoot to kill? It's not fair. It's not right. I want to be with this kid; I want to die, too. There's no purpose for me to be here, none whatsoever. It's all just a waste and I don't care. I want to be with every dead person there is, just like this kid, in the sky somewhere. God's going to keep me down here forever. There's no reason for me to be living. I don't want a guy, okay? I'd rather be with all the dead people. I'd feel happier that way. If you keep me alive I'm just going to be miserable. I'm never going to be happy. Nobody on this earth can ever make me happy, only being among all the lost souls and talking with them will I be happy. I'll be gone forever, just like Jeff. I thought I had gotten over him, but this morning I said his name twice. I didn't want to say it. It just came out of my mouth. After I corrected myself for like, the third time, I just blew him a kiss and said, "I love you." Oh man, I really want to be dead. Can't I reason with God? I mean, can't he see how desperate I've always been to be on the other side and just agree to take me? Why do I have to be alive? Oh my God, I feel sick again. It wasn't the anemia, I was making myself sick from being preoccupied about the kind of guy that I'd get. I ended up not sleeping AT ALL. Now I have an empty stomach again, and I didn't get any sleep, so as much as I want to, I can't have a cup of green tea. I'll be lying on the floor. The combination of no sleep+ empty stomach+caffeine= a very weak girl. I've done it before. Oh God, could I just be with this kid? I want to tell him that I love him. He means a lot to me. I'm thinking of him. He should still be alive. He didn't have to go out that way. The cops are dangerous. The NYPD thinks they're hot shit and can get away with anything. It's true. They always get acquitted in a trial. Watch all those cops involved in the Sean Bell thing go back to their jobs. They'll never do any time. That family will never see justice. The cops in New York are too powerful. I can't WAIT to see this verdict.